I’m not sure about the day counting but I’ll stick with it for now as it gives me an easy title and the early days are easy to rack up 😉

Had more headfucks about OA. I’m fairly sure if I stick with it – and I am genuinely interested in working the steps and think they would be beneficial for me in every way – that I will have to do it within secular OA. I just cannot get with the language in traditional OA. I started reading Jeffrey Munn’s book and identify completely with how he found traditional step programmes. I also chatted with a potential secular sponsor and if she hasn’t got too many demands on her time or thinks we might be a good fit, hopefully she’ll be able to guide me through the steps without reference to God. I did consider doing secular AA as I thought it might be easier to find a sponsor but I’m slightly worried that in sobriety groups sugar is not seen necessarily as a problem. Years ago when I expressed concern about the sugar binges I was told “no one got a DUI from eating too much chocolate”. No, but they could end up with Type 2 diabetes…

I’ve got my second day of abstinence under my belt and ate sensible meals in reasonable quantities. I just feel a bit “ok now what?” at the end of the day when the kids are in bed. That was the time I hit the wine and latterly hit the chocolate. Boredom, habit, “I deserve it” mentality. Me time. Blogging helped me fill that evening slot a decade ago when I stopped drinking and is doing the job now too. Gives me something to do, hold myself accountable and make sense of my thoughts and feelings.