Had a really busy start to the year and haven’t found the time to keep a regular blog. I had started seeing a dietician and thought I should record that but it hasn’t happened. Then I wondered if I would regret not keeping a track of other life things but nothing of particular note has happened. Until today 😉

I’ve been ill with flu since Saturday evening. I’m rarely so ill that I can’t move, but this floored me and I was in bed for two whole days and then had two very weak days. Yesterday I worked again, but just from home and today the same. The Saint was great and dealt with the kids and I was pretty much left in peace for a few days. Both kids were at home on Tuesday due to striking French farmers whilst the Saint went in the office and I did some loads of washing and cooked us lunch etc.

On Wednesday evening, I asked the Saint if he needed me to get up and deal with Child3 before school. He said no so I didn’t set my alarm. During the night, Child3 had a nightmare and came into my bed. At 7.20am, the Saint came in in his towel looking cross that our son wasn’t up and ready. I said I hadn’t set an alarm because I hadn’t needed one (I’d also assumed that he was waking him no matter which bed he spent the night in). We got up really quickly and Child3 was fully ready for school. The Saint was flustered saying he still needed to de-ice the car and prepare his lunch. I couldn’t understand why I was being made to feel guilty for him running late. I’d offered to help and was turned down and then had done all I could in the morning to help everything run smoothly.

Because of all that, I offered to do the school run this morning as there were clearly resentments somewhere. I got up at 6.20am and dropped off the kids. I was exhausted. We were both working from home today but i had an online meeting at 10am, so I snuggled up in bed and worked from there so as to not disturb him. At lunchtime I slept. After lunch, I went to set up stall at the dining table to I could sit in a better position for working. I saw him recoil. I asked if it was a problem if I worked there, to which he passively aggressively said “I’ll put a mask on”. FFS!! He was ill for three whole weeks at Christmas. I sat at the table every day with him. He wasn’t made to feel like a leper at his own table. I was going to set up in the front room, but actually i needed to eat some soup whilst working and so it was all going to be easier at the table. With the first bite of bread, he sighed. With the second bite of bread, he went and got his headphones!!! (He’s done this before – complained of me eating at the table or biting my nails whilst we’re both teleworking and said “you must have very understanding colleagues”!!! No darling, just not completely intolerant ones).

I then remembered I had to cancel the Burns Supper tickets for tomorrow evening as I’m not feeling up to it. I asked the Saint if he was okay if we didn’t go. He said he didn’t know that I’d even bought him a ticket. I said I’d asked him if he wanted one and he’d said yes so I’d got him one just in case we were getting on that week! He said he hadn’t said yes. We both got our phones out to check.

Me: “Do you want to go to the Burns Supper?”

Him: “Yes! Why not? What do you think? Will you love me to come, hate me to come or you don’t care?”

Me: “It depends how you are with me”

Him: “I’m asking the same question”

Me: “Did you read my blog?” (That I’d sent him so he knows how I’m feeling about him twisting facts)

Him: “Pas entièrement. Beaucoup de ressentis et de frustration dans ce que j’ai lu. Est-ce que c’est un ressenti sur le moment ou alors c’est toujours le cas?”

Me: “It’s very often the case. I feel like I’m going mad being blamed for things and events being rewritten”.

That was our exact text conversation on 16 December. So I had bought a ticket because he’d said Yes he was interested. And if we weren’t getting on close to the date, I figured I could give it away.

He looked back at that conversation and said that it wasn’t clear what the outcome was. Which is also true – it was left hanging on another point. However, he said that he’d only said “why not” to my direct question about the Burns Supper. I said “no you didn’t. You very specicifically said “YES. Why not?” and now you are very specifically omitting the word YES to argue another point. And off we spiralled into another argument about how supportive he is of me when I’m ill (having just recoiled at the idea of sitting at a table with me even though I hadn’t done that when he was ill) and then brought up the argument on 30 December as proof of this – arguing with him when he was ill!!!! FFS!!!! I have a blog of 30 December. Thankfully. And now I have a blog of 23 January when this gets twisted at a later date….