In 2017, on 4 March 2017, 6 weeks after my dad died and following something the Saint said about my uncontrollable grief, we had a massive fight and the Saint called the police.  He went to the police the week after to say he wasn’t pressing charges and we thought that was the end of it. 

Then in 2020, I applied for French nationality.  I was convened by the police for an interview (which does happen) in 2022 and they mentioned that i was “known to them”.  I was taken aback but said that we were fine now and that was all in the past.  It was also mentioned in my naturalisation interview at the Prefecture, but she led me to believe also that it was no big deal.  A month later my naturalisation request was refused because of this incident that I didn’t even know was on my record.  

I felt ashamed and sick.  Caroline Flack had killed herself over a similar situation in 2020 and I felt like doing the same.  I hated the Saint.  I felt he had ruined my life.  I started looking to move out and went to see another flat.  Thankfully I have sober friends and they were the only ones I dared confide in.  One was a lawyer and she told me to seek legal advice and appeal.  I contacted someone specialising in this particular domain and she said she would take on my case.  She said we would get this removed from my record and then they would say that the obstacle to me becoming French would be gone and all would be okay.  I handed over a cheque for 1500 euros after the initial 150 euros meeting fee.

Only they refused to remove this from my record at the local level, so we then had to appeal that decision (which thankfully i won) for a bit more money…  Also my appeal to overturn the decision on nationality was refused, so i had to hand over more money to appeal that judgement.   That appeal was submitted in January 2023 and was only heard in June 2025.  Colleagues and friends asked if I was French already and I just kept saying “still not heard anything”.  I only told two people that I had had to appeal as it was refused and i didn’t tell them what for.  The shame and sick feeling still eat me up just thinking about it all.  My throat has gone dry just writing this blog….

My appeal was rejected.  I got the reply in September 2025 so at least it didn’t ruin my summer or anything (the Saint did that on his own!).  And now i have to start again.

I am so angry.  The whole process submitting the dossier was time-consuming, costly and stressful.  I hate doing exams or interviews and had to do both.  And now I have to start again from scratch.  I absolutely hate the Saint for this.  He never says anything and the one time he does he phones the police and we end up here.  I hate travelling and having the whole shenanigans with my non-EU passport, I’m scared of being uncovered at work for this.  The shame is impossible to comprehend until you’re in it.  If i was in the public eye, I’d have killed myself too.  And I don’t say that lightly.

What is interesting in all this is that the Saint has rewritten what happened.  I said that it was all because he’d said it was difficult to tell who was the adult or the child when I was crying at the dinner table on the Friday evening because i was missing my dad and my daughter tried to comfort me.  He said it was absolutely not that that happened.  It was because I’d slept with my daughter that night.  I cannot believe he has rewritten this.  There are so many instances where he has done this (future blog posts to come on those) but on THIS.  

At no point has he offered me any comfort, reassurance or support over this.  I have been completely on my own emotionally, physically and financially in this.  Yes, what i did was wrong but for it to go this far and get nothing from him?

So last Friday I’d had to cough up 725 euros to redo the fucking language exam again and then he sent me the “accounts” as he calls them from September to October because he does some ridiculous working out so he divides everything so he pays 23.58 percent and i pay 76.42 percent (even though we never ever ever had this conversation or agreed that he wouldn’t even pay a quarter for himself when we moved in together in a house we bought 50/50 but now i pay 76.42 percent of all the bills in a house where I’m fucking miserable and dealing with his moods and gaslighting most of the time).  I don’t know anyone else that does this even with huge differences in pay.  All other couples either share everything or divide bills 50/50.  So this practice drives me mad every time i see it, but it was particularly galling having to pay 900 euros when I’d just paid 725 euros to restart my nationality exams and if we’d never bought this house together, i wouldn’t be paying for him and I would have got my nationality.  That is where we are right now.  I’m FURIOUS.

I decided to look up my old blog and see what really happened.  As I suspected, his story is bollocks and my blog written on the days the events happened show what really happened.  I’ll publish them in the next post.

23/11/2025