My blogging absence was less ominous this time. I was genuinely very very busy!

However, i fell headfirst into the food after my last blog and my colleague was on holiday so spent a few days eating stuff out of the vending machine and buying two desserts per day – one to eat at 10am and one to eat 4pm. What was different this time though was that i called time on that shit way earlier. On Saturday 8 June i weighed myself and was 60.8kg so usually i would have binged back up to 62kg my previous heaviest weight. But I didn’t.

I did what i was supposed to do – i reached out to my sponsor and recommitted to the programme. I spent that Saturday blitzing the house and keeping busy instead of grazing out of boredom and whilst i was blitzing, i listened to OA speakers on YouTube and got my head in the right space. I started attending meetings more regularly and I got back into praying. One of the OA speakers said he starts his day with the Step One prayer and it’s so good because you start off with the reminder that you are powerless and to strip away the denial. There was also a meeting that particularly spoke to me (ridiculously i can’t remember what the topic was now!) but i had a real “i need to swap the word chocolate/desserts for alcohol” moment and then see it for what it is.

When i gave up drinking alcohol, i knew clearly i couldn’t have one glass of champagne at a wedding, or a glass of wine with a fancy meal out, or a beer watching the football. I also knew i couldn’t taste the wine/cider/whatever before using it for cooking (i eventually stopped cooking with it in fact). And so it is with chocolate and desserts in those situations. They are my alcoholic foods. Foods that i eat alcoholically. Foods where i can’t have one and stop. Foods that light up my head and want more and more and more. Pizza and McDonald’s are my gateway drugs, so they are inadvisable too!

This last week, i’ve had to make 3 batches of cakes for school fairs and usually i eat about half the mixture. This week i didn’t. I treated it like i was cooking something with alcohol.

Another strange thing that has happened is that i’m craving fruit! This is unheard of for me and i’m obviously craving a sweet fix. The raspberry bush in the garden is full of fruit and i find i can have a bit and they taste amazing now my tastebuds aren’t deformed by all the processed sugars, but i still don’t want to binge on them so they’re a perfect solution for me right now.

So somehow i have got two weeks of food sobriety under my belt with little headfucks or pain. I know that won’t always be the case! But I’m taking it for now. I’m not counting and it’s always a pleasant surprise to see my OA app tell me those 24 hours are adding up. I also weighed myself this morning and I’ve dropped down to 59.4kg in the last fortnight, so that’s going in the right direction too. Hurrah for working the programme and the programme working!