(Or day 27 and 28)

Haven’t been happy with the titles of my blog for some time and after a weekend where I had dessert, I’m more confused than ever about what I’m counting!

I’ve been madly busy blitzing the house from top to bottom all weekend. The Saint and Child3 weren’t particularly well and my cleaner is in hospital and mum arrives on Thursday, so someone had to do it and it was a perfect opportunity!

Strangely though, it was the Saint who wanted dessert. We have rhubarb and strawberries in the garden and he asked if I could make a crumble. I looked up a less-loaded with sugar recipe and found one that uses way less than my usual one and it had oats in the crumble mix so a way healthier dessert all round… The Saint doesn’t have a particularly sweet tooth and it was perfect for him. I needed custard with it Anyhow, the good thing about it being less sugary was that i didn’t crave more and I’ve stopped now – i told the Saint to finish it tomorrow as I don’t want to take the dessert habit into the new week.

other than that, meals were good apart from one afternoon snack of macarons whilst in town which were not nutritious and did not make for a satisfying afternoon snack. That’s another old habit that i could kick into touch – so much of this is association. I remember quitting smoking (weirdly i found it easy after the first week) and then a few months later i went to the cinema and when i came out i could have KILLED for a cigarette as that’s what i had always done as soon as i got out of the cinema. It’s like sober firsts. I’ll have to start breaking all these automatic associations with food. I still can’t quite put sugar in the same category as alcohol and nicotine but i really need to – my blood results were always fine when drinking, but when i was bingeing on sugar they put me in the pre-diabetic zone!

I listened into the OA meeting this morning which was about Tradition 5 and carrying the message. Ironically i didn’t share. I’m still not sure how to carry the message but the fact that I’m here and have been fairly sane around food for almost a full month is proof that whatever i’m doing is working.

I also weighed myself this weekend. I was in the loft, the scales were there, and it was almost a month…. Anyway, I’ve lost 3kg which I’m really pleased about and could get in some (not all!) summer outfits that i’d given up on last month. So onwards and upwards in this way.

The text from Voices of recovery for today was about Progress not Perfection. I’ve always seen this as a bit of a cop-out with food. If I applied it to alcohol, I can’t have a bit and just get back on track… so why can i with sugar or can i…? it leads to dangerous headfucks for me around alcohol and recovery… The text spoke about “Perfection feeds my dishonesty”… And I get that… but I think i need to apply it to mental behaviours rather than forgive the odd sugar binge with it… i just need to be honest and keep making progress rather than using the slogan to permit food i shouldn’t really be going near!