A mixed day…. It was a bank holiday in France and i was the first one up in the house this morning, so i said the serenity prayer and did a 30 minute exercise video. The kids wanted pancakes for breakfast, so we all had those.

We went to see the Saint’s parents for lunch. They are all moderate drinkers and eaters! They enjoy all life’s “pleasures” in reason. I have no idea how that works! But I sat at the dinner table and acted like I was that person too 😉 Although this is always where it’s a bit confusing with food… There was one bottle of wine. Clearly i don’t have any of that and that’s because I’m an addict… (I should add that they didn’t finish the one bottle of wine between 4 of them – that’s the kind of drinkers we’re talking about!). There was a starter (asparagus – fine, although maybe i didn’t “need” the bread to mop up the juices…), then roast chicken, rice and vegetables (again, all fine and i also noticed that their plates are a lot smaller than ours – another good trick to eat moderately!), and the Saint’s brother had made a strawberry tart. Now i didn’t “need” that either… but again it’s not on my “things i eat alcoholically” list so I had a piece. Am i abstinent? Not strictly speaking in terms of sugar but yes if it’s from my alcoholic chocolate. But I’m still binge free and have eaten “normally” (was it Quadrophenia where they said “what the fuck is normal?”. I have no idea any more what is normal!).

Emotionally i was a bit all over the place – school holidays are hard to carve out time as a couple as there are always kids up at all times! A few barbed comments from the Saint that i just about managed to bat away and tried not to get too self-pitying about it. Also tried to engage with his mum a bit more which is one of my resentments to work through in the 12 steps.