I don’t do the cooking in our house. I hate it and I’m not good at it. (Although interestingly i love baking and i’m ok at that where the sugar is involved!).

I do however buy cook books. Lots. I’ve often wondered why! Like I want to be this person who plans meals and eats well, but it’s all in theory rather than practice. Usually what happens is i make a couple of dishes out of a new book I’ve heard about and then it sits unused on the shelves forever more.

I have a ton of blood sugar, low carb, sugar-free etc cookbooks and these are the exceptions – i have cooked a lot of recipes out of them in the last few years in my attempt to stop the pre-diabetes and then beat the sugar cravings. So these books are in a huge pile at the front of the shelves. Last night when Child3 was sick, he threw up on his way to the bathroom and it splattered all over my cookbooks. I had to take them and clean them all up. What struck me was that most of the front covers of Davina Macall’s book are of “sugar free” cakes or usual carb heavy dishes like lasagne. I love her cookbooks. She’s a former addict and she speaks my language. (She’s also got a French mum so her recipes have a French slant that has won over the family.) Whenever i try new recipes, it’s generally from the dessert section or the comfort food section. And sugar-free books that appeal to me most and get me cooking most are generally the ones that have good Fakeaways etc.

I’m waffling a bit here. A question today on a sobriety website about alcohol free beers and whether they were a good idea or bad got me thinking that I’m doing the equivalent of that with food. Alcohol free drinks aren’t for me. I didn’t drink for the taste, i drank for the hit. Also i find the whole thing a bit triggery. I am quite happy to just drink water in whatever setting. I’m wondering if my quest/desire/craving to eat like before but differently isn’t a bit like drinking AF beer for me and whether I just need to accept that boat has sailed and move on to a whole new way of eating.