All became clearer this evening: i got my period!!! That would explain the insane sugar cravings yesterday. Before i became a full-blown sugar addict, i would always know when my period was due because I would HAVE TO HAVE chocolate… and then the next day my period would come. I didn’t know i still had that pattern – it’s been buried behind sugar binges for the last decade 😦

I ate well today. Stuck to three meals, although ate out at lunchtime so had starter and main course (but starter was asparagus and poached egg so so healthy it doesn’t count ;-)). I was working from home this afternoon which is usually very triggery for me, surrounded by the kids’ sweet stuff but my big lunch helped keep me on track.

The Saint was the Devil tonight. Now this is also interesting. I’m hitting 50 and my periods are a bit hit and miss these days. When they were regular, we had to keep track because as soon as the red mist was about to descend, we would have an absolutely massive fall-out. I had a phase of staying in hotels once a month – I couldn’t bear to be around him. I hate it when periods get blamed for everything, but even I had to concede that it was a remarkable coincidence that I could tolerate him all month but would explode the day i got my period. I didn’t explode tonight. I chanted the serenity prayer. It stopped me from reacting. I’m still convinced there’s nothing wrong with me and that he was just in a really weird mood. But at least I’ve not made it any worse and made me actually in the wrong!

Gratitude tonight then for the serenity prayer.

Also a bit about service – I’m not sure how much I’m giving back to OA right now, but I’m still very involved with helping the Ukrainian refugees and had to do a drop-off of donations tonight. It took me out of the house, out of my own “poor me” narrative and made me grateful for my family being together and safe in our own home.

Hopefully the red mist will be less obvious tomorrow. It didn’t help me at all today!